Parenting in Public Tips to Improve Children’s Public Behavior
Nobody said that parenting was easy. And if they did, they probably never had children. On a good day at home, your children will act up. But sometimes it seems that they hold back a special little surprise to spring on you when you’re out in public. If you are tired of their attention-grabbing behaviors and the public spotlight, try out these parenting in public tips to improve children’s public behavior.
1. Prioritize needs.
If your children are tired, hungry, or sick, don’t take them anywhere. When you take the children out during these times, you are practically begging them to act up in the most attention-grabbing way. This doesn’t only apply to the little ones, oh no. Teens are prone to sulk, whinge, and even be vengeful when forced to go out against their will. Take care of your children’s basic needs before you take them out in public.
2. Keep expectations real.
Don’t expect children to be “seen and not heard.” Be prepared to help them redirect their attention when they get bored, fidgety, or fussy. Keeping some type of quiet entertainment close at hand can be a sanity saver. That doesn’t mean you need to buy your children a new toy when they get cranky! Bring something from home instead. Pocket items are a good choice. Consider keeping a few items in a travel bag such as stickers, Weebles or pocket dolls, Hot Wheels, a mini DVD player, and other “noiseless” items.
3. Set familiar limits.
When your child whines for candy or another item that isn’t allowed, empathize and redirect the thought to an item that is allowed, such as fruit. Give your child a choice of one of two types of fruit. Make the choice easy, bananas, apples, or nothing. Stick to your principles. You have to be more determined than your child is. If you give in to buying the candy, your children will use this tactic to manipulate you again and again.
4. Get children involved.
Your children’s job is to make sense of the world around them as they explore and learn. Try to make an outing as informative and educational as possible by talking with your children and pointing out things. Explain why you’re going to a store as well as a few things you will and won’t be getting. Keep trips short and buying focused on the shopping list. Kids love “helping” so give your children an index card with one item from your shopping list written on it. Put each of your children in charge of their own “list.” Let them “their item” when you get to the appropriate aisle. You could have more cards in your purse, replacing the children’s lists when each item is put into the cart.
5. Practice good manners.
In a restaurant or a fast-food place, show respect for the staff and fellow diners. Don’t allow your children to play with items on the table, crawl under tables, hang over the back of the booth seat, or play in the aisle. Not only do these activities disturb the people near you but they can also be physically dangerous for your children, the staff, and other patrons. Also, teach your children to use an “inside voice” or whisper. In fact, if you really want to get your child’s attention, speak in a low tone of voice or whisper. Young children usually get quiet to hear what you are saying.
6. Address children’s restless.
Rather than hurrying and telling children to be patient, slow your pace and take a deep breath. Encourage children to deep-breathe with you and take a minute to comfort with a hug, eye contact, a finger play, etc. If possible, take your child out of the seat for a minute as you reconnect. Sometimes kids get overwhelmed and simply need a bit of “up close and personal” attention from you. If your children have been sitting for a while, they will most likely need to move. To get rid of the excess energy, consider jogging from the car to the store while holding hands, run in place, or allow your children to do a few jumping jacks in a safe out-of-the-way place. A corner of the outdoor “garden center” may work well for you.
7. Empathize before problem solving.
When children feel heard and understood, it is easier for them to self-calm. So begin your conversation by asking what is going on and then restating the comment. Make sure you name the feelings the child is experiencing and make a positive statement about that. Then begin problem solving.
8. Stay open and available.
When children “act out,” it is often because they feel ignored and insecure. They need your attention so they act out rather than asking for reassurance. The more you can stay connected with your children, the less they will act out of frustration. Try to connect frequently by giving them eye contact, a smile, or a gentle rub or pat. You could also hum a tune softly, ask a question, or hand them an age appropriate pocket toy.
9. Fight off embarrassment.
At some point, your children will do something that embarrasses you. Fight that feeling by reminding yourself that most people understand what you and your children are going through. People who witness your embarrassing moment are rooting for you and your children. If anyone comments, it will probably be to sympathize with you or encourage you. On the off chance that the comment isn’t supportive, just shrug your shoulders and say, “Everyone has a tough day now and then,” as you walk away.
10. Stay calm.
You will have a rough day. You will feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or a bit angry. Then, right on cue, at least one of your kids will sense your mood and add to your lovely day by displaying childish behavior. Imagine that. Your child is acting like a child. You feel like it’s just the last straw. Take several deep breaths. Focus on your breathing to help you change gears. Repeat a mantra multiple times to get through the moment. Here are a few one-sentence mantras you may want to try. “This too shall pass. I am enough. Comparison steals joy. It’s not an emergency. Let them be little. I can do this. I’m not alone. This is a blessing in disguise. It’s not personal. Just do your best. Nobody’s perfect. I am the parent. Silence is golden.”
For the most part, parenting and raising children is very rewarding and your children are your pride and joy. However, there are moments when you may wonder what you were thinking, especially when your child acts up in public with all the drama of a seasoned Academy Award winning actor.
This is when you need some parenting in public tips to improve children’s public behavior.